This card measures 4 1/2" X 3 1/2" and was an invitation to the wedding anniversary gathering of Robert and Sallie Hayes, my great great grandparents.
This colorful little card was found with papers from the Hayes side of the family, and dates from 1884. The colors in the corner decoration are as vibrant today as they were when they were printed 140 years ago! What was a "straw wedding"? It was a mystery...
The little invitation was found in its original envelope, addressed to J.W. Crawford and Wife (Sallie's parents). At the bottom, the word "Present" was written. Did John and Sarah need to bring a present, or were they counted as being present? I'm not sure!
I did some research on wedding anniversary customs during the Victorian period. The earliest known references to wedding anniversary symbols and gifts were silver for the 25th and gold for the 50th; these customs originated in the Germanic region during the Middle Ages. Wood became a symbol around 1875 and gifts made of wood were given at the 5 year mark of marriage to reflect strength and durability. Queen Victoria popularized the 60th Diamond Anniversary after she used her Diamond Jubilee to celebrate 60 years on the throne. Diamonds symbolized passion and commitment.
Anniversary gift lists became popular in the mid to late 1800's, along with the societal rage for the proper format in invitations. The symbols on the invitation had to match the year (if you notice on the above invitation, it shows grass or reeds to symbolize straw), and had to be worded "just so". The annual dates also needed to be on the card. The dates above are 1881 and 1884. Robert Franklin Hayes and Sallie Crawford were married February 18, 1881 in San Francisco.
All of these gifts were symbolic of how the marriage was progressing and maturing through the years. These could change, depending on which list you were using!
This was the only list I could find that mentioned straw. Cotton was a more popular symbol, but straw was an older and more traditional symbol, especially in England and Germany. Since Sallie's mother Sarah Crawford was born in Wurttemburg, Germany, choosing a straw wedding may have been a reflection on Sarah and Sallie's German heritage.
What does straw symbolize? It may symbolize humble beginnings, or that straw can bend and flex (think compromise) or that straw is ready for the next phase of growth (the harvest is yet to come after starting out as shoots full of potential). Just as humble straw forms the foundation of a mature wheat field, a couples' steady devotion during the early years establishes a field ripe for a lifetime of love.
I wonder what would constitute a gift relating to straw? A nice picnic hamper perhaps? A straw door mat? A rattan basket? Per custom, all gifts were displayed for guests to see, and they were mentioned in the local newspaper along with the giver. I wish I had been invited to the celebration at 10 Elgin Park to witness the event! Robert's parents Robert Hayes and Lillie Ross Hayes lived at 10 Elgin Park in San Francisco, and it looks like Robert and Sallie were living there at this time also.
What to buy?
Taken from the Eureka Herald and Greenwood County Republican of Eureka, Kansas April 20, 1894
What is interesting is that this appears to be a three year anniversary, not a two year anniversary. Robert and Sallie were married in February of 1881, and their only son Lester was born April 2, 1882. This "wedding" was held on February 21st of 1884. There is some debate on what constituted an anniversary (as we use the term today) and a "wedding" after the initial marriage as it was used in Victorian times; dates may have been calculated differently. At any rate, Robert and Sallie were married 37 long years, as Robert passed away in 1918.
Any way you look at it, using genealogical ephemera is a fascinating way to use items to help provide insight into the lives of our ancestors. Sometimes the research is just as fun as holding and wondering about the actual object!
References:
Victorian-American Wedding Anniversaries by Kristin Holt l Mar 6, 2020 https://www.kristinholt.com/archives/22267
Traditional Second Year Anniversary Symbol-Straw anniversaryideas.co.uk
Now You Know: Why Are There Special Gifts For Each Anniversary Year? l Merrill Fabry July 6, 2017
https://time.com/4771179/history-anniversary-gifts-paper-silver-gold/
Relationship Reference:
Me->Margaret Hansen Boothby->Margaret (Betty) Hayes Hansen->Emma King Hayes m. Lester Hayes ->Robert and Sallie Hayes
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